I was so busy watching 'The perks of being a wallflower' with my housemate that I forgot the time, it's an okay film, if a little bleak and meaningful for my tastes.

Having recently moved into university accommodation with strangers and no plates (bowls, cups, pans, we could be here all day) I have learnt many things, some of which I may share with you now.

1. Not everyone microwaves their cereal, more interesting is the fact that some people do.
2. The phrase "ménage à trois" is not in as common usage as I thought (and your housemates do not appreciate it when you tell them we could have two sets in the house).
3. The housing is grim and you won't care as much if you chip paint off the wall with glue dots.
4. (Related to 3) Nothing will ever be as funny as making a cling film screen on the front door for your housemates to walk into late at night.
5. Nicki Minaj is truly the strongest test of your worth I.e. How many times can we watch "Anaconda" before madness grips (it's more than you'd think)


But personally I think the best tip would be to never move anywhere where the hills have a gradient of 25%, which for those of you wondering is just a little bit less less steep than a forward slash (///).

So I will be broadcasting my ’spontaneous’ outburst every Saturday from here on out, probably until the end of time, and hopefully I can do enough things in my life to keep up with this rigorous shedule.

- Zoë (don't judge me that I sign off like and old lady)